The grass is green and the sky is blue.It was showering. It's never a good sign when it rains/showers/pours. True enough, it proved me right. Adrenaline raced around my body to find the perfect spot. I thought it was nothing. Just another adrenaline rush. Oh well, to my surprise, it really isn't JUST another adrenaline rush. There must be a reason.
Never did I thought I would break a glass or a valuable thing. I know somehow or rather, the glass on the other side shattered into many pieces. Too many that it's uncountable. And I knew right there and then, I lost the most valuable item I had. Shattered and lost. Devastated and confused.
Now, the sun is shining brightly showing its majesty. I am in absolutely no mood to be enchanted by its beauty. Wonder if there's a rainbow...
The world is filled with people who have achieved their dreams, on the verge of achieving their dream, still figuring out why did God create them, or people who are just dreaming. I, for one, am not really concerned with my dream right now. I, fall in the category of still figuring out why did God create me. In fact, I'm still figuring out what's my personality like. People say, I hurt them just with my words and some say I'm a cautious speaker. Go figure.
But really, I think it's not my words that hurt others. I think, or perhaps I believe, I hurt them through my actions. To cause someone to cry is to cause a piece of your own heart to break, piece by piece by each tear that falls. To feel guilty is to know that there's going to be consequences of your actions or in a worst situation - punishment.
Other people take your problems easily because they're not in your shoes. And you'll end up saying, "It's easier said than done." Yes, much to my disappointment. I am just a human. Fortunately or unfortunately, I'm a girl. More or less, I'm blessed with a gentle heart which stores millions of feelings that adrenaline causes. I am terrible at admitting guilt. However, I do a wonderful job showing my feelings! Be it happy, sad, angry, you name it, I'm a pro.
My sole purpose of typing this is to get back my most valuable item and try to mend the glass pieces that I, unintentionally, broke. Nothing physical whatsoever. I just hope my most sincere apology will help.
If others make you believe that I'm the worst, I rest my case. Just so you know, I love you.
xoxo
5:57 PM
I believe you can.Good Luck, Love! Your PRELIMS are coming up next Friday, so you better study hard okay. Come to think of it. Mine's in another 4 weeks. AHHHYAA! I can't wait for Tuesday, can you? =)
Today we had a Bio practical. And we had to do urine test. errrrrrggh. a glucose and a protein test was made. suppose to do the bile salts one but we didn't. I think i'd stick to not doing it. Good thing I brought my Dettol Hand Sanitizer =) HAHA.
Had lunch with Love.
I have to be strong. Time's coming onto me real quickly. Gotta be strong, gotta be strong!
xoxo
6:04 PM
I'd give anything to be overLOVED.Something extraordinary funny happened. Okok, I'm gonna say this line that everybody says because they think that they really are however, it's like a trend or something to say it. But really, I AM SLOW(in thinking). Even my teacherS say so. So, I can't deny. haha. Something embarrassing happened and VERY funny, I must say. The whole scenario took 5 seconds when it should have been 1/4 of a second at least. Yeah.
I feel like saying it. But I promised, so i shouldn't.
xoxo
5:32 PM
Sunday, 22nd July 2007.I went for tuition with my cousin at Coffee Bean SPC. but i went to layer my thicky thick hair first. apparently people say there is no difference. heck. it's just to make it thinner. okay then, went to eat at Cavana(i am hungry now though. no matter, i THINK there's food at home). then, unc picked us up and we went to fetch cousin sister. then we went to Eastpoint. Btw, i was really sick. well, not REALLY sick. Stress sick. A cold and OH!
Miss Red is back. Yeah. went to NTUC to grocery shop. had New Zealand Natural's Fruit Flo. YUUUUMMMMY!
and headed home. tired by then.
TODAY! 23rd July 2007.So, I just had school. Shared my Pocky during Malay with everyone. should bring food. I'm getting hungry alot. I actually paid alot of attention during Bio. not that i don't ever. but seriously, my heart and soul were in Bio.
after school, went home. end.
xoxo
3:56 PM
School's been okay. OMG! I swear I didn't realise Prelims coming
SO FREAKING SOON. and also, O levels next. I keep hearing...
"You don't have much time. You need to start studying. Start revising!"
at the back of my head. Time in KC is running out really fast. Time in 2007 is running out even faster! I have also realised that I keep pushing away the stress about studies away to the point that I have the mentality that everything is gonna go smoothly. YEAH, RIGHT! As I'm typing this, I haven't fully woken up yet though. CAN YOU SEE WHAT STATE I'M IN RIGHT NOW?! Yeah, okay.
xoxo
5:50 PM
I DON'T WANT TO BE
Alone and Afraid.
Uncared for and Unloved.
Insulted and Disrespected.
Just don't leave me to be by myself, and I'll be perfectly fine.
xoxo
6:29 PM
Harry Potter was good.
Swensen's was good.
Thank you.
xoxo
12:22 PM
A lesson learnt for life.Dear Mrs. gave us a peptalk this morning. And she gave us an article which came out in the papers this morning about babies being born out of wedlock and half of them are Malays. She asked about how we felt about the article (nothing racist). I said I was disappointed and frankly, it's embarrassing.
First of all, they come from a religion which forbids intimacy. It's sad they're not a strong believer. And personally, I think this made me repent, somewhatt. I mean, to be a better believer.
Second of all, they're putting a bad image on themselves.
Third of all, it's not the mother or the father who is so-called "suffering" but the child. What will happen to it during and after growing stage?
I am in no position to say that I am perfect. Seriously, I am not. But to do all this, it's getting wayy out of hand.
And Mrs. said that she'd be "terribly, terribly, terribly shocked" if her daughter were to come home and say, "Mummy, I'm pregnant." I think if my daughter did that, I would faint and hope to remain unconscious. But then again, at this point, I guess this is where your daughter need you most. oh well, Olevels is coming. Shouldn't be thinking about this. But it is something to be reflected about. Right?
Oh, Madam said during Malay lesson. Your future family-in-law gives your family thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars just for their son to marry you because you're worth it. And if you do it now or before you're married, you're giving yourself off for free. Wasted, kan?
And this is the time where you should really think, do you really love yourself?
xoxo
5:39 PM
HAHAHA.I threw a plastic at Stacey's face during recess because I had the strong urge to do so and she threw it back at me because i think she had the urge too. It wasn't really that mean if you come to think of it. It was just bloody random. Uncalled for. Unpredictable.. Yeah. Somehow, her face wrote
throw-something-at-me. &so i did. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Celeste laughed the hardest. It's really funny, seriously. If you have humour. Nabila was just stoning. hais. So sad.
Then we had maths remedial. It was cool. Only 4 people turned up. Fun eh? HAHAHA.
okay goodbye.
xoxo
5:45 PM
It's funny how you think you really know yourself.I think somehow I felt stupid. I think I was just having a really bad dream last year. It's a good thing I finally woke up from it. Or I could be really suffering, or so I think. I really feel I'm very lucky this time. Not a bad dream, or even a dream at all. It's definitely reality that most can't really accept. But somehow, it doesn't matter to me.
I'm glad it was over before anything else happened. I should've seen it coming. Stopped it before the heartbreak. I guess I was trying to hang on to every hope left with the strength I'm left with. All that my heart could take. However, all my strength wore out and I had to let go. Let go and find other hopes.
It is pretty hard to recover after all the strength that was put it. I thought I was lost. And then, I was pulled back again for another run. If there was no love, really, don't give me false hope. Just let me go the way you planned it. The way you wanted it to be. Don't say, "If you love me, let me go." Because you know why? I grew so attached to you that it was hard to let you go. Yet, to you, I was like a game. I lost, and you gave up on me. Game Over.
Lucky for me, someone managed to hold my hand and pull me back from that downfall. And don't make a mockery out of me. I don't blame you, though. I don't even expect you to understand. But I had expected you to respect. However, you disapppointed me. I'm not afraid. In fact, I'm proud to have someone who appreciates all that I do. All mistakes I did for the better of the relationship (not that it was intentional; or anything). Unlike you, I'm treated with the utmost respect that all human beings make mistakes.
By the way, I see you have changed. I'm glad you have moved on. Because I don't want you part of my future. It's not worth it. I'm putting my past behind. And that includes you. Good day.
xoxo
8:49 PM
My Last EMDD.
just love.
genuine and pure love.
they're adorable, i swear.
I'm sorry for
Hurting you.
yes, I'm trying to hard.
It was a really eventful day. Had to rush with the makeup and the final rehearsal. we managed though. with some injuries, but we managed. Gala night was great, no doubt.
Mummy sat on the third row. HAHA. right infront of me during the finale. HAHA. shocking. everyone said it was great. ((:
it was of course, filled with tears and laughter.
OH! Charlene took pics of the Level 3 corridor. and she showed me her pics. they were full of orbs. i'm telling you. i'm sorry O God for saying this. but it was FUCKING scary. yeah. VT has history anw. yeah.
and went home with mashie and her parents. had supper with them and went home. (: thanks much!
MALAY ORAL SUCKS =(Well, i guess you guys could tell. I felt like crying. Adilah, I didn't do well.
okay.
O God, please give me at least a Merit? please?
xoxo
6:28 PM
Fly me to the moon & be back by Saturday. Please?I am absolutely exhausted. It's not even FRIDAY. and we have to rush to Victoria Theatre tomorrow morning. and rush through the rehearsal. &BIG PERFORMANCE on Saturday. Seriously, all my years in KC, i've never
watched the ever so great Evening of Music, Dance & Drama. i've always been the one performing. &truly, i have loved every single second of it. Really gonna miss those moments.
Well, that aside. I am absolutely exhausted. Went to Kampung Collections to get our kain and hair. coz there was supposedly "none" of them. got our hair spray glitter. and everything else. went to Parkway to get our ribbon which we eventually found in Popular. got a rose for <3. and went back to school. which seemed very far from the busstop. and finally when we reached school, Mdm Maz planned to end the training at 5. and we reached there at about, 4.45? Fit arrived at 5. we decided to stay till 6. Just us.
It was fun in the gym. Especially the diy rollercoaster. haha! it was scary yet fun. so anyway, we decided to pack up and go at 6+++.
And home waited for me. aww, so sweet (:
xoxo
8:45 PM
Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone.Went to tampines mall open plaza to watch dear friend, Reyza, perform for the first time after countless invites. yeah. He sang "Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone". Good one! So anyway, coincidentally, Ernie was there too, to perform. She sang "How Do I Live". Real Good, as always! yeah. Nabila saw her friend Zarif, who is at this point in time, Ernie's boyfriend. He stuck with us for rest of the time we were there. I didn't mind though, coz we clicked well. I just wished Alfie was there. so anyway, there was no place to sit. I had to bear with the standing. got to sit for awhile at Kopitiam. heh. Sophia also was there to perform. Didn't watch her coz we were late already.
then said our goodbyes and well wishes to all. took 28 to Bedok. then took mrt. coz we found out nabila has enough for mrt.
then met dear cousin at singapore post. started on my work. and yeah, she left. and we left.
Results? well, Ernie got through the heats and was the only malay. most of them were chinese. Reyza didn't get in. SO SAD OKAY. yeah. he said people are complaining about the results. oh well.
xoxo
9:17 AM
just love.
genuine and pure love.
they're adorable, i swear.
I'm sorry for Hurting you.
yes, I'm trying to hard.