Yield not because you want to.Change. Everything is beginning to change whether anyone likes it or not. The economy's downturn, the world temperature constantly rising, the everything that may or may not affect everyone. I'd take it as something that we all have to adapt to. But really, is saying we have to adapt as easy as adapting itself? Think about the emotional rollercoaster you'd have to go through. But then again, is it really necessary?
Every minute of every day now, I keep telling myself. Stop thinking with your heart. It's not gonna do you any good. I stop myself from all the unnecessary tears. But somehow, all that, just makes me uncomfortable. It's just not me. But it's a change. Something I have to adjust myself and my feelings and my mind to. Maybe one day, I'll finally say to myself. 'Hey, this is working pretty well. I shall keep up this work.' Because I believe that right now, this is essential. I need to start focusing. I cannot procrastinate anymore. Time is not on my side, or anyone else's for that matter.
I went through what you call the 'probation period'. It gave me more than what I bargained for. And not in a good way. I guess no one really knows how I felt at that period. All the stress was really, in fact, killing me. I couldn't help but to keep on crying while trying to pace myself with studies. I know that everyone else was going through stress just as much as I am, but not many are going through my situation. Or what was my situation. I must admit, that I was too emotional. I don't know if it really was me, myself and I to be blamed for not being able to control my emotions or something that hinders my control. But none of that helped me for sure.
This time, I will think more with my mind and manage my time well. I can do this. Yes, this whole retention situation has affected me, my self-esteem and everything else. And other people too. Yes, I have thought of the fact that I disappointed my loved ones. It hasn't been easy for me. It's hard not to let it affect me. It has.
Whatever it is, I'm hoping and praying the best for this upcoming term. I'll restart my year fresh. I'll be more than what anyone expects me to be. I cannot risk disappointing anyone anymore. I love my family and Adli very much and I can't do this to them anymore. Not now, not ever. It's a setback, alright. I'll move forward now.
Yeah, now.
xoxo
1:04 PM
